Over the course of the semester, I have become more confident when integrating sources and voice into my essays. I have learned to use the Barclay paragraph style to create a flow between two outside sources and a response with my own ideas and interpretation. The paragraph below comes from the rough draft of my empathy essay. I do a nice job with the first part of the quote sandwich where I acknowledge Maria Konnikova and her credibility. However, the highlighted section is where a reader got confused with the relevance of Konnikova. There was a disconnect between her quote and my bigger argument, which is focusing on unbiased kindness over empathy. 

Body Paragraph from Rough Draft Empathy Essay

As seen in my revised paragraph below, the increased amount of my own voice draws the connection between Konnikova, Bloom, and my thesis. In its final draft, the triangle of voices in this paragraph brings purpose to my essay in an effective way, thanks to the well crafted Barclay paragraph. I start off by giving the reader more context when I define pathetic empathy in my second sentence. Then, I delve into Konnikova’s point that communication through social media lacks the synchronicity of a shared experience. However, I don’t hit and run with this quote because I analyze it and draw the bigger connections for the reader by explaining it as highlighted. This leads into the bold section where the sentences naturally connect to my next source, Paul Bloom. His insight aligns with my thesis that there are better alternatives to empathy which is falsely occurring online.

Over the semester, I have improved my ability to effectively introduce sources, quote them, and then explain their purpose through implementing Barclay paragraphs.